27 Reasons Why I Hate The Yankees

In honor of the New York Yankees winning their 27th World Series championship, I have compiled a list of 27 reasons why I can’t stand their existence.

In no particular order, here they are:

1. New Yankee Stadium:  Old Yankee Stadium was an undersized dump.  There are a couple of ball parks that I never want to see go (Fenway and Wrigley), but some day they’ll have to.  When they do, I hope that ownership constructs entirely new parks, not some replica that caters to rich people.

2. Andy Hawkins’ no-hitter:  On July 1, 1990 lifetime pumpkin-thrower Andy Hawkins tossed a no-hitter against the Chicago White Sox but the Yankees lost the game 4-0.  What a joke.

3. Roger Clemens

4. The Yankees are responsible for “Mass-holes”.  Had the Yankees been able to close out the 2004 ALCS it’s quite possible that the once likable losers (Red Sox fans) would never have been able to invade your home team’s stadium in droves and ruin your evening.

5. Nick Swisher

6. Sunday Night Baseball:  When I was growing up I would look forward all week to ESPN’s Sunday Night Baseball, just so that I could see a team I didn’t normally have a chance to.  Back then the Yankees stunk, now they should just call it “Sunday Night Yankees, Unless The Cardinals Are Playing The Mets”.

7. Does any team in baseball have a longer trail of juicers?

8. Derek Jeter.  Yeah I wrote that.  This guy has dipped his bat in more holes than Ron Jeremy, yet we love him because he’s so pure and professional.  He’s a slut.

9. Steinbrenner and sons.

10. Paul O’Neill.  He might be baseball’s second greatest jerk of all time next to Clemens.

11. The Yankees have signed or attempted to sign every nemesis they’ve ever had.

12. The 2009 offseason.  Every December the Yankees make a push for the most coveted free agents available, this past offseason they signed C.C. Sabathia, A.J. Burnett, and Mark Teixiera.  If you can’t beat ‘em, buy ‘em.

13. Those “New Yankee Stadium” patches on their hats.  Seriously, the home opener would have been sufficient.  Did they really have to sport that shit all season?

14. Luxury Tax.  They’re responsible for it, and they don’t give a damn.

15. Joba Chamberlain ruined my 2009 fantasy team.

16. Joba Chamberlain stinks.  Bugs love him, he really stinks.

17. Rudy Giuliani.  He’s a lying, cheating, stealing, womanizing staunch Republican.  He throws on a NYPD/NYFD hat and everybody cheers.  Those were sooo 2001.

18. The New York Post.  It’s a garbage newspaper that prints garbage stories, yet somehow the Yankees make it reputable.

19. They enabled Eric Hinske to win yet another World Series.

20. Praise for their managers.  I’m not kidding, put me in that dugout and I’d be able to win with that team.  Like electing to go with a three-man rotation instead of letting Joba and Chad Gaudin start is some kind of difficult decision.

21. Alex Rodriguez.  Not because he’s a total douche, but just because he’s Alex Rodriguez and maybe because of the whole centaur thing.

22. Kurt Russell.  His greatest works were Escape From New York and Big Trouble In Little China, he’s no longer relevant.  I don’t need to see shots of him all night wearing tinted glasses and a Yankees’ cap.

23. Mariano Rivera.  It’s just not fair.

24. New Yankee Stadium seating prices.

25. They’re the favorite team of just about everyone that doesn’t actually follow baseball.

26. They take dirtbags like Jason Giambi and Johnny Damon, cut their hair, give ‘em a shave, slap pinstripes on ‘em and pretend they’re classy.

27. Because they’re the Yankees.

Tags: Hate, New York Yankees